Social Oblivion

There’s a reason creative/highly intelligent/gifted children skim the outskirts of socialization and it’s not from some disorder or dysfunction in social behavior.

It’s really to avoid the dumbasses in the world. And since the world has more than its fair share of dumbasses, I understand how this trait appears to be some larger social impairment.

But it isn’t.

These kids have only figured out the human social game better than those of us at the top of the bell curve ...

. They don’t waste their time on dumbasses.

I haven’t learned that yet.

During school dismissal, I stood with the boys and briefly chatted with Payton’s best friend who happens to be a girl. Another 3rd grade boy came towards us, said, “Hey, Payton,” I sort of thought in a friendly manner, it was hard to tell by his tone. But then he bumped Payton’s backpack in the way an asshole bumps you to intimidate - the quintessential bully bump – and that made it clear.

WTH?

Then, as he continued to walk away, he said something derogatory to Payton about wanting to marry his friend. I thought. It was loud. I called him back, but he looked at me and kept walking.

You know, it’s never the kids whose parents teach them respect that do this kind of shit.

I turned to Payton’s friend and asked her if she heard what he said, wanting to make sure I didn’t just imagine it, because what kind of kid teases another kid RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS MOTHER? A dumbass kid. They’re everywhere.

“Yeah, he’s always teasing Payton that he wants to marry me or marry other boys.”

That was all it took for the mama bear to rear her ugly head and began snarling. Put the words “teasing” and “Payton” in a sentence and the rest is just a roar in my ears, the color red washes over my vision.

History has left its wounds.

Before I was consciously aware of what I was doing, I had turned my heel and was after that boy.

I found him.

I said a few clean but choice words to him. I don’t think he’ll say anything to Payton again.

See, God saw fit to give me the attribute of intimidation too. People often tell me, once we get to know each other, that they were intimidated of me at first. I don’t know why, I’m like a sweet, fluffy kitten! (I’m lying.)

I used to gnashed me teeth over this divine gift, wishing I didn’t have it. It made it harder to make friends and I had no clue what I did to give off that vibe. I was a painfully shy child, where did it come from?! It was nothing I did on purpose. It happened even when I did my best to be friendly.

I would justify it by telling myself people just aren’t used to an intelligent woman with confidence. If I were a man, they’d see me as confident, not intimidating!

But I see the light of The Truth now. God gave me this ability so I could intimidate the little shits that pick on my son. The Universe knew I would need it one day! And if I can intimidate adults without even trying, imagine what I can do to children when I do try.

Truthfully, it takes very little effort. If I have a certain look on my face, I could fart in their direction and make a kid cry for his mother. If I wanted too. That is the strength of my power, which, by the way, was honed during the year I volunteered every week in a kindergarten class. Through that experience, I learned how to quell other people’s kids with just a look.

Don’t worry, though. With great power comes great responsibility. I will not use my divine power for evil, only for good, such as protecting one of the great minds of the future.

While this was going down – the bully bumping and derogatory comment – I noticed Payton purposely (or so I thought) turned his back on the boy, as if to physically say la la la la la, I’m not listening!

When we got home, I talked to Payton about what happened, asked him if this boy teased him about wanting to marry (friend name redacted) and boys.

“I dunno.”

“You don’t know? But (name redacted) said he teases you about it a lot.”

“I dunno. I never hear him.”

(Now really, I’ve known this little girl going on three years. I would adopt her she is that awesome. She is not the type to make this kind of thing up.)

“Well, ok. Why did you turn your back on him like you were purposely ignoring him?”

“I did?”

“Yeah, when he first said hi to you.”

“He did?”

“Yeah, he did. And then when he bumped your backpack on purpose, you turned even more.”

“He did? I didn’t know.”

So pretty much Payton was oblivious to the entire thing, as he is with many social situations.

Maybe this so-called “social impairment” has a higher purpose too.

It’s so gifted kids like my son can survive the school years with their creative mind intact.

Here’s to social oblivion!

©2009 Queen of Shake Shake. All Rights Reserved.

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