YOU SAY WHO (Gossip) « The B Plot

WHICH contingencies embarrassingly fought over who was responsible for plowing the boardwalk of snow, so it was delayed in getting done and when it did get done just a six-foot wide path was plowed?  Boardwalk business owners claim that they lost money because of the delay.  (12.29.09)

WHICH Manasquan Atlantic Club member, whose monster SUV was illegally blocking the door of a wheelchair-bound 17 year-old, screamed at the teen “You shouldn’t be here.  People like you make me depressed…. ...

.” after SUV Guy was paged and told to move the gas-guzzler immediately.  Shockingly, despite many witnesses, the Club did not revoke this disgusting man’s membership.  The teen is now off to college and, hopefully, better surroundings.  Email the Club’s Senior Director and let her know your disgust:  kathyg@theatlanticclub.com[10].  (12.29.09)

WHICH talented and popular queen of dining is rumored to be adding a new jewel to her crown – the former Mattison Park space?  How wonderful will it be to have really great Cajun cuisine in our backyard potentially by late February?  She deserves every ounce of her success.  (12.29.09)     

WHICH local’s landlord recently did a walk-through of one of the converted Victorian’s apartment and found a dead mouse stuck in a plate of maple syrup on the counter of a reasonably clean, professional local?  Tenant replied, “Oh, I that’s from a couple of days ago…I had pancakes.”  OMG.  (12.29.09)

WHICH Wanamassa home’s October yard sale brazenly included “hundreds of VHS porn tapes of all types” according to my snitch and, creepily, a set of children’s “Tinkerbell dolls with electric tape around the face or hands?”  (12.29.09)

WHICH greater area casual restaurant had work done recently in the kitchen and the contractor reported there was “layers on layers of grease…soooo gross?”  My snitch said he would never eat there again – or let his friends.  (12.29.09)

WHICH bumbling burglar was caught after shoplifting last week because he was identified on the surveillance camera wearing his TJ’s Pizza delivery jacket?  Ug.  (12.29.09) 

WHICH area town department’s employees most of  Christmas Eve in an office tracking Santa’s travels on NoradSanta.org?  (12.29.09)

WHICH major satellite radio personality stopped in Allenhurst and Asbury Park for a teeny bit of holiday antique shopping last week on her way from New York to her home on Long Beach Island, in Harvey Cedars?  (12.29.09)

WHICH southeast residing straight couple hysterically reminisced about the worst gift he ever gave her – 10 years ago – when they lived in northern NJ?  “He gave me a 20 foot extension cord.  He said he saw me struggling to vacuum the house – always stopping and plugging in the vacuum.  He said he thought it would make life easier for me.  It made life a lot more difficult for him for a while.”  Smile.  (12.23.09) 

WHICH greater-area residing blonde was overheard Saturday during the storm telling friends what their New Year’s resolution should be?   “Just wait till someone tells her what her many, many resolutions should be,” said my snitch.  Ug.  (12.24.09) 

AT which real estate agency’s holiday party were the realtors whining about the lovely meal served at a great restaurant in town – without being able to say what specifically was wrong?  (12.24.09) 

WHICH head of a local gay rights lobbying firm said he was “on vacation” when media outlets reached out to him for breaking news this week – leaving his constituents without a voice in an important evolving issue.  (12.24.09) 

WHO revealed the wonderful light, fragrant and fruity house Pinot Grigio at ultra fancy-pants David Burke’s restaurant[12] La Fromagerie in Rumson – served there at $8 a glass – is by northeast Italy’s Collegiata label [photo right] and available special order at Spirits Liquors in Wanamassa for $7 a bottle?  It’s a really, really fab wine.  (12.24.09)  

WHICH Ocean Grove restaurant was the place to be on Saturday during the storm?  So indicative of the wonderful community spirit, the restaurant – one owner’s career as a fancy model – hosted an intimate, spontaneous BYOB snow celebration as the weather outside was frightful.  (12.24.09) 

WHICH new-ish owner of an area laundromat is suing the former owner because he believes the balance sheets reviewed prior to the purchase were not correct?  The former owner recently reviewed the energy and water usage for the past 10 months and its simply that business is down 30% – nothing to do with doctored balance sheets, as the new owner believes.  (12.24.09) 

WHICH rubenesque local lady – who’s phone number is filed under “b*tch” in at least three cellphones – took an ungraceful tumble as she stumbled out of Watermark recently, to the not-good-karma giggles of many onlookers.  Physically, she is fine enough, after the fall.  (12.24.09) 

NOW, it can be confirmed that the blind item published in Ted Casablanca’s October 2005 E! Entertainment gossip column, naming a “young, pretty” film actress the “Jordache Junky” because she was “smacked out…a horse girl” (on horse tranquilizer).  The film actress referred to was Brittany Murphy, who passed away Sunday morning – in 2005 she was the spokesmodel for Jordache Jeans.  (12.24.09) 

EXCLUSIVE: WHICH of my well placed real estate snitches revealed the cheesy outlet mall at the Manasquan Circle (Route 35) is getting a fancy-pants makeover including a name change – Atlantic Circle Plaza [exclusive preview rendering below]– and a 35,000 square foot “specialty market” – rumored to be a Whole Foods, possibly a Trader Joe’s and more?  The management company and Michele Wilk, the rental realtor, had no comment.  (12.17.09) 

AT which fancy-pants Wanamassa attorney’s first-class 40th birthday celebration at McLoone’s Supper Club, attended by more than 80, Saturday did big-time film producer, James Garbus (“Save Me,” “Dream Boy”) reveal his new project “Brooklyn to Manhattan” – about four people who run for their lives in the Brooklyn subway tunnels after a botched drug deal – has completed production?  (12.17.09) 

WHICH thirtysomething ultra-sexy blonde lipstick lesbian on-the-sly vacationed with her husband in Key West recently?  While he was sleeping, she stepped out for secret lady love.  (12.17.09) 

WHICH home inspector forgot to turn the furnace down after testing it during a hot day last summer…10 hours later, the Ocean Grove tenant returned home to find a dead bird, rabbit and two gerbils.  OMG.  (12.17.09) 

WHICH sexy new boy couple’s favorite fetish is “Wax Play” – hot wax on skin?  They claim to have discovered their passion after a dog knocked over a candle on the couch recently.  (12.17.09) 

WHICH northwest residing gay should plan on an intervention in the New Year?  I hear dear friends are concerned he has been arriving at parties loaded this holiday, drunk-n-texting late night and drinking at home alone. (12.17.09)  

WHICH eastsider’s father was just released from Club Fed after 10 years and is now in a halfway house, soon to come to Asbury Park for the final step in his release – home confinement for a few months?  He went to prison for a white collar crime involving financial improprieties.  (12.17.09) 

WHICH gorgeous local publicist was formerly a way-important fashion model for the Elite agency, traveling the world and living in Milan for months at a time?  Knobelwoman.com has more.  (12.17.09) 

WHO revealed to me that TheBPlot’s email address has been curiously banned from receiving the GayAsburyPark.com newsletter?  Not at all community spirit-ish on the site’s new owner’s part however we take it as a compliment.  At last count TheBPlot has 11 known reporters and producers on its distribution list…and welcomes more. (12.17.09) 

EXCLUSIVE:  WHICH Asbury Park columnist - just guess (smile) – recently returned to the Howard Stern Show to tape a “Best of the 90’s” interview, airing between Christmas and the New Year?  Immediately prior to his interview was Bon Jovi and after was comic Sandra Bernhardt.  Bon Jovi arrived with his group and his wife, Dorothea, however she was not on the Rockefeller Center building’s security checklist.  SO, the rent-a-cops would not let Dorothea into the building.  Understandably irritated, Bon Jovi took his blonde weave-looking hair and wife and left, only to be phoned in his car blocks away by desperately apologetic producers begging him to come back…which the rocker did with a smile.  Total gentleman.  (12.17.09) 

WHICH performer did his well-received exceedingly energetic show high on crystal meth this month?  (12.10.09) 

WHICH post-op transsexual is up to her Oscar-worthy years-old tricks again acting as if she is a victim of the world, her landlord, her neighbors, her friends, the police, her ex-wife, judges, employers, clients, boyfriends…?  Her exhausting, embarrassing and threatening Facebook rants – while sadly humorous to an outsider – are said by some to further “reveal a person who is choosing not to take responsibility for any of her actions.  Complete denial.”  New for me was reading that she is playing the single mother of three children (one is in college) – which is insulting to anyone who has been raised by a responsible single mother, as I have been.  (12.10.09)  

WHICH recently severed Asbury Park lesbian couple is feuding over a charge on one of their credit cards for the other’s boob job?  (12.10.09) 

WHICH downtown lady’s landlord is attempting to evict her again – this time for non-payment of rent for four months?  My sources say that every time she winds up in court she pays up – after wasting our limited city resources (judge’s time, court time, etc.) which all could be allocated to much better use.  (12.10.09) 

WHICH Asbury Park community leader, emailed the following beyond beautiful love story to Senator Kean to lobby him to support the gay marriage bill.  There could be no better, more universally relatable, revealing story:  “…I had my first date for my first high school dance in 1955 and continued to date women until I was 35 years old, that would up to 1976, a long time in anyone’s life to search for and to wait for something special to happen…. My feelings were in turmoil, always somewhere else but pressures to conform, real or imagined, were great and everywhere: church, family, job, the general culture. Positive role models and a vibrant gay rights movement were still in the future. Here is where it really changed for me. I met and fell in love for the first time in my life at age 57– Senator, can you imagine yourself falling in love for the first time in your life at 57?  That is a whole lifetime!  A lifetime of missing the joys of love, fulfillment, comfort, support, peace of mind and security, and the possibility of children. You, and my brothers know and have experienced all of that for most of your lives and you are not yet 57!”  Call or email Senator Kean right now to voice your opinion:  732.974.0400 or SenSKean@NJLeg.org[14].  (12.10.09) 

WHICH two incredibly brilliant Madison Marquette guys were spotted reading The Coaster’s front-page article about iStar taking control of Asbury Partners, over lunch Thursday at Langosta Lounge?  Smile.  (12.10.09) 

NEXT WEEK: I dish about my return to Howard Stern – including my moment with Bon Jovi.  And reveal which mornings my taped interview will air. 

WHICH of my “Today Show” snitches revealed a conversation Wednesday between the producers of the fourth hour of the show’s “host chat” – with Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb?  Given the continuing breaking news with the Tiger Woods scandal and Kathie Lee’s experience with public infidelity with her husband Frank in 1997 (with a flight attendant) producers thought it would be a great idea to drum up publicity for the show if Kathie Lee discussed the Woods scandal from a “personal point of view.”  “Absolutely not will I rehash any of that horrible history in my life,” my snitch quoted the fab Kathie Lee as saying loudly.  Frustrated producers gripe that the two ladies are talking about the biggest pop culture news story, on the biggest news show, in a way that the experience is ”so foreign to them both.  It’s the 500 pound gorilla in the room that nobody wants to pay attention to.”   Ug.  (12.03.09) 

WHICH former area mayor cancelled his decade-plus long tradition of hosting a Thanksgiving Day “Man-Only” breakfast, to the dismay of many men?  Many question whether the breakfast was cancelled because what was once a breakfast for testosterone-packed town employees and friends saw more than 700 people attend last year – including…gasp…uninvited women.  (12.03.09)   

IN which beach-area entertainment venue was a man and woman caught full-on kicking-it behind a makeshift stage?  No one stopped them – people took photos!  (12.03.09)        

WHICH firefighter, when asked to be photographed in his boxer shorts for the 2010 calendar (launched last Saturday) replied, “I would but I am not wearing underwear – and I don’t usually under my uniform”?  Excellent answer.  (12.03.09)  

AT which local one-time event in town were security guards hired not to keep peace, but to make sure guys kept their pieces in their pants?  (12.03.09)  

WHICH west-side residing Asbury Park local was overheard raving about the redesigned city website?  He especially loved the new Morro Castle video.  (12.03.09)   

OVERHEARD during Brad Hurtado’s RIDE party at the Stone Pony: “A bear is a self-identified gay man lifestyle sub-category.”  Wow.  (12.03.09)  

WHO knew realtor Sammy Boyd – who is producing the almost sold-out holiday show in Red Bank featuring Ronnie Spector – is planning shows in Asbury Park Spring 2010 with Tony Bennett and potentially Liza Minnelli?  More to come.  (12.03.09)    

WHICH columnist – with the area’s #1 features site – has an interview on Howard Stern airing shortly?  When he went to the studio to tape the interview he was scheduled right after Bon Jovi and before Sandra Bernhardt.  (12.03.09)   

WHICH new and successful realtor, with a knack for dropping friends after a few years, would be going into a shame spiral – if he had a soul – because a friend who claims he was used then dumped by Realtor when Realtor lived in Jersey City has moved here and is telling all about Realtor’s history, including frequent visits to the Eagle (raunchy bar) in NYC?  (12.03.09)  

WHICH greater area restaurant and bar mogul employs a bartender solely to serve him his favorite red wine from 11 am to 5 pm at his home or at one of his bars (all closed during the day), weekdays?  (12.03.09)  

WHICH multiple property owner was spotted at the Adriatic getting cozy with a former much younger girlfriend?  What would his current girlfriend think?  (12.03.09)   

WHICH smoking hot twentysomething, blonde Asbury Park-er shared the creepiest pick-up line she has heard recently in town: “Does my napkin smell like chloroform?”  Yikes.  (12.03.09)  

WHICH owner of an iconic Italian restaurant in town tells her employees, “No chewing in the kitchen”?  Staff at this hugely successful restaurant brown bag it to work – waitresses can’t even sample the specials.  That’s why these hard-working, superior waitresses say “I saw (insert menu item) and it looks great” to customers – no mention of the taste.  My snitch bitterly said, “(The owners) won’t spring for twelve-cents worth of pasta for each of us.”  Ug.  (11.25.09)     

IN which recent house sale did the ultra-cheap seller – a multiple property owner in the area – remove many of the home’s light bulbs after the walk-through, before the closing?  (11.25.09)  

WHICH recently widowed wife of an avid saltwater aquarium hobbyist quietly donated two huuuuuuuge fish tanks – and their contents of beautiful fish – to Jenkinson’s Aquarium in Point Pleasant?  (11.25.09)    

WHICH realtor – who is said to go from one person to the next mooching everything from cigarettes to meals – bumped into a friend and reamed him out because Realtor is owed $83 by another friend?  Realtor’s friend said, “I was about to start going through my wallet to get out $83 to make him stop talking about it and go away.”  (11.25.09)  

WHO knew that Donna Bell’s Southern Desserts (the dessert truck seen on Cookman Avenue during First Night) uses decades-old New Orleans recipes courtesy of Pauley Perrette’s (star of TV show NCIS) mom?  Darren and Pauley have been friends for decades.  The banana pudding is to die for and I hear Darren is getting tons of holiday orders.  (11.25.09)   

WHICH additional media outlet – this one a quarterly mag out of Red Bank – should be added to the list of print and online publications that leverage TheBPlot for their story ideas and fact-checking, without giving us credit, instead of doing their own work?  Since The New York Post and The Asbury Park Press (not Nancy Shields) have done it, the other ones are in good company, despite irritating me immensely.  (11.25.09)  

WHICH downtown star chef has a “casual encounters” ad online that would make you want to tear your eyeballs out with a rusty spoon?  (11.25.09)  

WHICH fancy Asbury Park antique store relies too much on the honesty system (read zero research) when ascertaining the genesis of new merchandise acquisitions?  A male salesman recently told customers the benches were from the 1920’s however upon further review, the customer knew Phillips Head screws were not used en mass until at least the late 1960’s.  Regardless, the benches are in happy area homes and Stella Marina and were outside of Langosta Lounge.  (11.25.09)  

HOW many locals are loving the great Mexican cuisine from El Monterey on Main Street?  The décor doesn’t do the food justice – sooooo good.  And they deliver too.  It’s one of my new favorite places, introduced to me by local in-the-know foodie Sonja O’Brien.  (11.25.09) 

WHICH local, prominent businessman wanted to kill time in between meetings and wanted to watch CNBC – which he claims is not on any of the TV screens in the Brick Wall and Rafferty’s during the day.  So, he went to an area go-go bar.  He continues the story, “It was me and I think two other guys in the place and three dancers and a bartender.  I gave the bartender a five dollar tip for my beer and to turn on CNBC, which she gladly did.  As the dancers came around I gave them each five dollars and told them I wanted to watch the TV.  The last girl whined ‘You want to watch that instead me?’  So I said, ‘I’ve seen better sweetheart.’”  She started screaming at me that I was an asshole – which I was, but so was she.  I walked out to the bartender screaming at the dancer to shut the f**k up.”  What a bananas scene that place sounds like.   (11.19.09)   

WHICH realtor thought she let a homeowner’s indoor cat out while showing an Ocean Grove property?  She and the prospective buyers scrambled to get the cat back in the home…it wasn’t the right cat!  (11.19.09)   

OVERHEARD at Jill Potter’s fabulous birthday at Laila’s restaurant (named after one of the owner’s grandchildren) to Amy Quinn, who ran for city council this year, “Amy, next time will be your time.”  I love Amy more every time I speak with her.  (11.19.09)   

WHICH kind and sweet bank teller – just doing her best at Bank of America in Allenhurst – was Branch Manager, Diane, beyond excessively berating about her time sheet Thursday in the conference room…loud enough for customers standing in line to hear?  When I brought the issue the attention of B of A big-wigs, TJ Crawford robotically replied, “We don’t comment on personnel issues.”  More on Diane next week…we have another tirade of hers recorded…she needs a no-interest personality bailout.  (11.19.09)   

WHICH handsome eastside residing gentleman said to an obviously drunk and rambling fortysomething lady at The Harrison bar:  “If you stop talking to me I will give you ten dollars.”  Sooooo funny.  (11.19.09)   

WHICH lovely lesbian local lady’s “safe word” – an unambiguous word used during a sexual encounter, agreed upon ahead of time, to communicate to the other participant(s) that a physical or emotional boundary is about to be crossed – is “Archipelago”?  (11.19.09)   

HOW many conflicting reports did I receive Saturday night and Sunday calling Lady Bunny and her appearance celebrating Watermark’s First Anniversary a “mess,” “train-wreck,” “speaking of decrepit old folks…” and “looking better than she has in years,” “excellent,” “great to have her in Asbury” and “tell Russell he needs to have her back again”?  (11.19.09)   

WHO is planning a makeover for Gay Bowling at Asbury Lanes in 2010?  I hear the new “look” will include male burlesque acts…one performer works it in a g-string with flaming hula hoops.  That’s hot.  (11.19.09)   

SCENE:  Asbury Park’s high-profile-types, including Councilwoman Sue Henderson, Deputy Mayor John Loffredo (looking proudly on as his partner Rich spoke about his Halloween “Best Costume” winner), Brad Hurtado (dishing about his upcoming RIDE party Nov. 28), Garrett Giberson (doing surprisingly well at Wii Archery), Susan McCarthy (rocking an absolutely stunning Bagdley Mishka necklace), Sonja O’Brien (tanned and fabulous just back from Florida), PR powerhouse Melanie Knobel introducing her hottie NYC fireman husband to us for the first time) and John Butler (talking about Oprah’s interview with the woman mauled by the chimp) along with 90 other fun and festive locals at realtor, Paul Vail and Sean Troy’s Martha Stewart-worthy pre-Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving dinner Saturday.  (11.19.09)    

WHICH major, major legal talking head on a top cable news channel – who has lifelong ties to New Jersey and I hear comes to Asbury Park under the radar – is living a Roy Cohen-like life?  His horrid closet-case defense of the citizens of Maine voting down a law barring discrimination based on sexual orientation, in addition to passively sitting while his talking-head friends spread hatred around the country, really pissed me off last week.  This anti-gay pontificator hit on me hard years ago at a party in New York and then hit on an attorney-friend of mine.  Both of us declined his advances so he went home with another guy – and took him to Puerto Rico a few days later!  If he’s going to be a self-hating gay, he needs to stop his own “spin control” and keep his mouth shut.  (11.12.09)  

WHICH greater-area restaurateur has a secret past as one of the original Disney Mouseketeers?  Decades later, he is a real estate, restaurant and bar mogul with his wife, owning popular licenses-to-make-money spots including the Osprey – billed as “the Jersey Shore’s favorite place to party” – in Manasquan?  (11.12.09)  

WHICH late-thirtysomething single lady was drinking orange juice Halloween night, not a Screwdriver – and costumed in a poufy wedding dress – because she is three months pregnant and wants to keep it a secret?  The father, who she has been casually seeing since the beginning of the summer, lives in the same luxe building that she does.  (11.12.09)   

WHICH glam, kind and successful Wanamassa and New York gay hottie has acquaintances snooping for invitations to his 40th birthday extravaganza taking over Tim McLoone’s Supper Club in early December?  (11.12.09)  

PROVING you don’t have to be wealthy to be super-generous, which exceedingly kind eastside living blonde lady donated what was said to be a “very generous amount of canned goods” for The Center in Asbury Park’s Thanksgiving Food Drive.  Please donate too, by Nov. 20.  Call 732.774.3416.  (11.12.09)  

FUNNY observation at a recent birthday pizza party:  “All the gay boys not eating.  Ten people.  Four pies.  Two and a half left untouched…and my husband ate four slices!”  (11.12.09)    

WHICH costumed guy told friends at the blow-out Halloween Ball at the Berkeley – attended by 900 amazingly adorned revelers – that he parks his fancy-pants car around the corner from his house because he is expecting the repo man to come a-knocking…not trick-or-treaters?  (11.05.09)      

WHICH worker at Dunkin Donuts on Sunset and Main said to me, “This bagel is so fresh it’s gonna try something”!  Seriously.  Loved it!  (11.05.09)       

WHICH uber-straight, good-looking, single, dirty-blonde haired local guy in his thirties – who hangs at places like The Saint – has a thing for men with female- breasts (guys either in-transition or half-way there and done) when he gets drunk?  (11.05.09)     

Marilyn_and_BrigitteWHICH blonde Boardwalk restaurateur was spotted at fancy pants Duke Farms – Doris Duke’s former mansion – discussing cooking and her famous Chipolte Chocolate Truffles one recent rainy Sunday [photo left]?  (11.05.09)     

WHICH grande dame of Ocean Grove real estate is famous for the quote, “You always want to be the first love, the second wife and the third (real estate) agent.”  (11.05.09)   

WHICH reserved and beautiful-eyed local chef was New Orleans bound for Halloween?  (11.05.09)      

WHICH opening soon, tavern-style bar’s owner wanted to renovate and launch the soon-to-be hot local hangout months ago, but couldn’t because the liquor license was tied-up by his ex-wife during their divorce.  (11.05.09)   

IMG_3027WHO knew the sad, outdated, uncomfortable, old, leaky conditions Asbury Park’s fearless firefighters live in at the firehouse [photo left]?  We need to do better for these guys.  (11.05.09)     

WHICH director, formally with the George Street Playhouse was courted to join the Monmouth County Arts Council recently?  (11.05.09)    

WHICH Asbury Park columnist adopted two kittens (found on Sewall Avenue by Carolyn Curtin), Monday to celebrateIMG_3075 his recent birthday?  He named them after two iconic gossip columnists – Hedda and Parson [photo right], for Hedda Hopper and Louella Parsons to compliment his dog, Truman’s name (named after Truman Capote)?  (11.05.09)   

WHICH Asbury Park star (initials B.C.) organized the “It’s Madame with an E[15]” performance at the Algonquin Theatre in Manasquan, Saturday (Nov. 4)?  The show, inspired by Wayland Flower’s Madame, is being billed as Madame’s comeback.  She promises her new show will be “something new, something borrowed and something oh-so-very blue.”  (11.05.09)   

WHICH married, very sexy, shy-ish, elegant lady and broader-area resident has been having a passionate affair with an early 1990’s Playboy Playmate since the beginning of the summer?  (10.29.09)    

WHICH wholesome-ish, northwest-side living thirtysomething said he is looking forward to becoming a token “otter[16]” RIDE_front_postcardduring RIDE – the upcoming bear / biker / leather event at the Stone Pony, Saturday of Thanksgiving Day weekend, produced by Brad Hurtado?  (10.29.09)      

WHICH Cookman Avenue restaurateur hasn’t paid $150 bill for services rendered by an event planner who over-delivered on goals set for a June project?  (10.29.09)      

WHICH audience members at The Showrom’s screening of “Grey Gardens” last Sunday thought it was funny they could hear another “left of center” family stomping, squealing, cheering and laughing in the apartment above the theatre?  (10.29.09)         

WHICH beautiful and fun executive at the Monmouth County Arts Council joined many of the other 50 audience members in admitting she was a “Grey Gardens freak,” prior to the HBO film screening at The Showroom, Sunday?  (10.29.09)      

IN which grand east side home’s yard was a long, thin, very old bone found when the property was being excavated for an expansion and renovation?  (10.29.09)    

WHICH residents of a very fancy building on Cookman Avenue had their own “Law & Order” scene the other weekday when a neighbor was pulled out in handcuffs by Asbury’s finest for allegedly selling drugs out of his apartment?  “The new BMW, the expensive clothes, no job and high-volume of ‘friends’ in and out of the unit was kind of a giveaway something was up,” said one of the neighbors.  (10.29.09)  

WILL “The Real Housewives of Atlanta’s” Kim come with her boyfriend – who recently announced his wife is divorcing him – when she performs “Don’t Be Tardy to the Party” at Watermark in December?  (10.29.09)  

WHOSE Jack Russell Terrier will be costumed Saturday as the Energizer Bunny – ears and battery-like body and all?  (10.29.09)  

WHICH non-profit had the brilliant, brilliant idea to create a “Men of Asbury Park Fire Department Calendar 2010” to raise funds for it’s very worthy arts-focused cause?  Local, award-winning photographer Alan Barnett[17] will immortalize the 12 brawny and brave men for the calendar at locations around the City.  (10.25.09)    

WHICH diva – you know “diva” means “bitch” when she’s not in the room – was driving staff insane at a performance at McLoone’s Supper Club?  (10.25.09)    

WHICH new-ish east side renter, hailing from the Boston-area originally, has a sexual history similar to a New Jersey Transit train – everyone’s used it at one time or another?  (10.25.09)   

WHICH fancy-pants New York designer, living part-time in Ocean Grove, spotted a clueless salesperson at B&J Fabrics in NYC snapping at Lady Gaga, “We don’t cut (fabric) samples here.”  (10.25.09)  

WHICH grand Asbury Park home was I in when an uber-talented medium from Paranormal Books made a believer out of me?  She said my deceased brother was “standing” right next to me as a “contemporary spirit” and knew his name, guys.  (10.25.09)     

WHICH north Ocean Grove resident rocked the Home Shopping Network, Friday, selling thousands of his gorgeous necklaces in minutes?  His designs are available locally at Bodega Shoppe.  (10.25.09)     

WHICH blonde and seemingly botoxed restaurant reviewer is getting zero stars from both colleagues and the restaurants she’s been reviewing?  Her poorly written and edited (chef’s names and bios factually incorrect), tryptophan-like reviews, coupled with her insistence on a free three-course dinner for four (including her daughter’s friends) for writing the fluff-pieces, have her columnist colleagues “tossing their brie” and readers tossing their newspapers. (10.25.09)   

WHICH busy local psychic said he believes Asbury Park will experience a “major, bloody drug bust within the next few months,” which will jar the City?  (10.25.09)  

WHICH media type was spotted at Market in the Middle reporting the writing was on the walls to a potential love interest that printing of wedding invitations was not in their future?  (10.25.09)      

WHICH gay guy / straight guy roommate situation in town is where the straight guy allows the gay guy to watch via a webcam while he “taps it” with unknowing ladies?  (10.15.09)     

WHICH Lingerie Football League[18] member (tagline “All these girls want to do is play ball” – seriously, ug) and, until recently, Asbury Park resident [photo left] has her New York Majesty teammates uniting in protest against the “bad treatment” they have been receiving by the organization and are considering boycotting the Lingerie Bowl in January?  Why, oh why, can’t these girls get any respect?  (10.15.09)       

WHICH fancy pants beachfront condominium’s residents are experiencing “water infiltration” issues with the façade of the building?  “That’s why the stucco is being ripped off the north side of the Monterey,” said my City source.  (10.15.09)     

WHICH sexy Spin City co-star spent Satuday afternoon at Paranormal Books and Curiosities?  The celeb, who has reinvented himself as a dynamic and engaging mystery writer, read from his new novel “Revenant Road” at Kathy’s uber fun store recently.  Okay…he’s Michael Boatman and he also had roles in Arli$$ and China Beach.  (10.15.09)      

WHICH “Burning Man” attendee and local satellite club member is known as “Taco Man” at the event?  He walks around with his most masculine of areas in a cardboard taco.  Eeek.  (10.15.09)    

AT which Asbury Park non-profit’s surprisingly normally staid board meeting were voices raised about one person incessantly taking the meeting off-topic or another almost falling asleep at the table – literally?  Zzzzzzzzzzzz.  (10.15.09)     

DID “Grey Gardens” Little Edie regret her time at the property or resent her mother for, some believe, making her stay   Edie and Newkirk, circa 1981

home?  “No,” says “Grey Gardens” historian and author Walter Newkirk [photo right].  Walter (Little Edie called him “Rutgers Boy”) will dish like never before and answer your questions about Grey Gardens and Little Edie, Sunday at 4 pm at The Showroom on Cookman Avenue.  Walter’s fab new book is available at AuthorHouse.com[19].  (10.15.09)     

WHICH naturally pretty lady restaurateur was the buzz of the Mayor’s Ball all girlied-up with makeup, a fab dress, a rocking ‘do and her great smile?  Her husband looked as surfer-sexy always in a tux with black flip-flops.  (10.08.09)  

WHICH three homes, two eastside Asbury one north Ocean Grove, secretly host ”Burning Man[20]” (a seven day event billed as having “no rules about how one must behave or express oneself” taking place each August in the Nevada desert and claiming 48,000 attendees in 2009) nude parties, alternating locations monthly?  One homeowner is famous for being a “no-no square” barber at the Nevada event each year.  (10.08.09)  

WHICH fiftysomething and self-described “mature gay man” Asbury Park local advertises a special kind of welcome wagon online for those interested in coming to town?  Beyond touting the city: “Lots to do, great restaurants, music…two gay hotels”, he also touts himself as a “…educated, well-travelled…sensuous…trimmed hair bear-like…healthcare professional” who is happy to “…give you a massage”.  He closes the ad explaining this is a “…great opportunity to experiment with a safe and entertaining man.  All services paid by you as negotiated up front.”  A reader sent me the photos he sends out to prospects – there’s nothing I can share that’s even R-rated.  (10.08.09)         

WHY was Patti Scialfa absent – however not missed – from at least two of Bruce’s recent performances at Giants Stadium?  (10.08.09)   

WHICH studly Asbury Grand resident – and Hollywood Golf Club (in Deal) employee – was overheard telling new friends at the Brick Wall patrons that he is a “golf pro” and that “Maury Povich and other celebs rely on him” to improve their game.  My sources say that’s a major stretch and he should not be talking about any of the Club’s members.  (10.08.09)   

WHICH Ocean Grove resident still has nightmares about when her family’s home accidentally caught ablaze – decades ago – and her mom told the family to sit quiet for “what seemed like forever” before they called the fire department so the fire would be sure to destroy the house and her mother could collect the insurance money for a new, better home?  (10.08.09)      

HOW many pre-construction purchasers is Paramount Homes in nonsense arbitration with – fighting over minute details of what aspects of various units which are believed to be “misrepresented” or “not delivered” which as affected resale, etc.?  I hear the “purchasers have a lot of nerve”.  (10.08.09)       

WHICH seriously straight bartender at Paradise has had it with the constant propositioning (employees, management and customers) – in every way possible, with everything possible – and is considering moving to a new “wet spot”?  (10.08.09)      

WHICH major Asbury Park politico has been a huge fan of the 1976 documentary “Grey Gardens” for years – following much of the trials and tribulations?   (10.08.09)   

WHICH fast-talking loudmouth businessman local – larger than life in his own eyes – caused a scene at Stella Marina when his Visa card was declined for the bill for four he was picking up?  (10.08.09)   

The Major McMansion-sized Real Estate Edition – 17 stories  

WHICH property, serving as a church on Second Avenue is Mr. Tracy Kimbrough “men’s minister” according to its website?  Tracy, 43, took ministering to a higher level recently in Shark River Park – he was spotted “performing a lewd act” with Antonio Marmolejo, 40.  Wall Township Patrolman Adam Cox made the arrest.  Calls to the church were directed to Tracy.  (10.01.09)  

WHICH realtor – previously disgusted by peers offering incentives (AMEX gift cards, luxe gifts) for client referrals, emphatically stating “that’s illegal” – has joined numerous other area agents in playing the “gimme game” as a differentiator to secure new listings and buyers?  (10.01.09)  

WHO knew the new in-demand vendor to have on retainer is an Arborist who manages and maintains the trees on many fancy-pants gay’s properties around town?  (10.01.09)   

WHICH successful realtor is being defamed by peers, with their own sordid closet, from another office?  I’ve received four ultra-negative emails – with content that can’t be verified – about Successful Realtor over the past seven weeks.  (10.01.09)  

WHICH climate controlled warehouse on Cindy Lane in Ocean Township is secretly home to many of Bruce Springsteen’s favorite classic cars?  (10.01.09)   

WHICH Conover realtor has a heart bigger than any deal he’s closed?  When he’s not selling, he is quietly helping friends, acquaintances and some strangers – making introductions, lending money that he’ll never get back, giving pep-talks and more.  He’s first-class.  (10.01.09)   

WHICH fancy-pants guy realtor was overheard the day of the Mayor’s Ball saying, while butchering the English language, “Forget the Mayor or any of those other sh*t heads at City Hall…(realtors) run this town.  We set the value of it, we sell it, we market it.  If it wasn’t for (Conover Realtor) or (Prudential Realtor) or me this place would be a sh*t city.”  Speechless.  (10.01.09)  

WHICH gal realtor, representing a large development, emailed a homeowner “You went out of the family…WHY???” – attempting to guilt Homeowner because she used a different realtor to sell the property.  (10.01.09)  

WHICH guy realtor hysterically filed a complaint against a colleague in his office because she “misrepresenting facts” by using a photograph of the view at the corner (not from the house) as listing’s main image?  (10.01.09)   

SPEAKING of filing complaints, which female realtor filed a complaint against a realtor with another agency because he included the verbiage “walking distance to beach” in an advertisement?  Statements like that are viewed as discriminatory to the handicapped by the Real Estate Commission, I hear.  (10.01.09)   

WHICH designing duos northeast-side showcase home is finally under contract for around $900,000 (original asking price was well over one million dollars).  They’ve already migrated to Wesley Grove.  (10.01.09)   

WHICH ultra-fancy-pants homes you love – you have always wanted to get into them – are actually for sale on the down-low.  Not listed in the MLS, the homeowners of at least three homes are spreading the world through the realtor grapevine that they would be willing to sell, however don’t want it public that they are done with the City, having financial troubles or want a change of scenery?  (10.01.09)  

WHICH distinguished, “straight”, big-time realtor received a sexual act from an area transsexual?  (10.01.09)  

WHICH beautiful and elegant realtor’s closet is packed with thousands of dollars worth of gorgeous scarves – including Hermes and Chanel?  The collection is more impressive than her already impressive activity report.  (10.01.09)  

WHICH lady-loving lesbian realtor is rubbing colleagues the wrong way for her brutishness around the office?  The office manager is so tired of the complaining.  Her time at the agency is coming to a closing…err, close.   (10.01.09)  

WHICH realtor was showing low-end rentals recently when his male twentysomething client from Brick – looking for an apartment for his fiancé and himself – turned to Realtor and said, “Forget this.  Lets go back to your house and f*ck.”  And bump uglies they did.  Realtor is saying it was one of the hottest experiences he’s had.  BTW – he didn’t rent the guy a unit.  (10.01.09)   

WHICH land barron’s divorce is hitting the already tough Asbury Park area real-estate market hard?  This “separation of the assets” issue is forcing him to try and unload properties, on the down low, at lower prices – affecting, in effect, many property prices in town (especially commercial), according to our source.  (10.01.09)  

WHICH fab and fun local will be modeling two amazing diamond rings for sale at approx. 30 percent of their appraised value during the city wide yard sale this weekend?  The rings, one 1.13 carat Art Deco engagement (appraised at $4,000 in 2007) and the other 1.20 total carats Mid-Century cocktail ring (appraised at $2,200) prove diamonds are a dog – and girls – best friend, especially at a bargain price.  See for yourself at 705 Sixth Avenue.  (09.24.09)   

WHICH source revealed it’s “still unclear what’s going on with (first initial ‘C’) at Madison Marquette, her issues with the company and one major executive – and how it will all be resolved?  She’s not working, however collecting a paycheck.  She’s been offered a job at the company’s offices in Washington DC and I hear is still reviewing options with legal representation.  Madison Marquette, naturally, had “no comment.”  This saga deserves a name.  (09.24.09)  

WHICH area resident and huge Bruce Springsteen fan owns the only known copy of the rocker’s Ocean County College transcript?  (09.24.09)   

WHICH local, single realtor attended a big-time motivational speaker and author’s (initials T.H.) seminar, then bumped into him in an Atlantic City hotel bar and wound up “bumping uglies” with him?  Her realtor friends now lovingly tease her that she is a star-f****r.  Oh, and T.H. took his toupee off before they “tapped it.”  Yikes.  (09.24.09)  

WHICH area landscaper was busted for regularly using a client’s pool because the homeowners – receiving a $1,000 gas bill – realized he was the only one who could possibly be keeping the pool heater at a tropical temperature during the week, while they were in New York City?  (09.24.09)  

TRUMAN BISONWAS anyone more fascinated with the Bison in Montana – or the great beauty of Yellowstone or Old Faithful – than Truman, continuing his very own “Truman’s Big Adventure”?  [photo left](09.24.09)  

WHICH area modeling agency didn’t bother to call a business back when the owner left a voicemail saying she was interested in hiring models?  Not pretty for the modeling hopefuls.  (09.24.09)  

WHICH special Deal Lake-front house on Drummond Court – purchased for $515k cash in August of 2008 by Jess and Kim – has unofficially been voted as potentially one of the best renovations of the year by area residents who walk by and are monitoring the ongoing renovation?  (09.24.09)  

WHICH couple was recreationally enjoying the prescription med Percocet along with cocktails and the gorgeous weather during ArtsCAP’s mini-golf benefit last Sunday.  (09.24.09)  

WHICH friend of Little Edie has The Showroom’s Nancy Sabino confirmed to speak after a benefit screening of the HBO “Grey Gardens” film in mid-October?  He plans to bring great stories, photos and insider gossip.  I think the talented medium at Paranormal Books should channel Little Edie.  Call The Showroom for more info: 732.502.0472.  (09.24.09)   

WHICH well-known bisexual lady in Asbury Park is kicknamed the “Titanic” in some circles because at least 1,000 men and women have gone down on her?  (09.17.09)  

WHICH downtown Asbury Park proprietor attempted to open the white doors to his business Friday afternoon however found his keys would not work?  His landlord changed the locks and told Business Owner to “get out” – he’s not paid rent or taxes on his half of the liquor license in months.  I hear the place is closed closed.  Like shuttered closed.  More to come.  (09.17.09) og bus      

WHICH Ocean Grove business passive aggressively featured this photo [unedited, right] on its web site for almost one month, just recently replacing it?  The scratched-out person second from right is a longtime employee who resigned.  Hysterical.  (09.17.09)   

WHICH west side resident tells everyone his nasty habit of snorting the anti-anxiety medication, Xanax, is inspired by his addiction to the TV show “Nurse Jackie”?  (09.17.09)  

WHICH New York / Asbury Park resident (initials M.S.) has been known to provide a sex-act for a ride back to the City?  (09.17.09)  

WHICH Asbury Park lady – who’s a pro hostess and a good many say is excessively pushy – is filed in at least three iPhones under “B*tch”?  (09.17.09)  

WHICH sweet and gorgeous lesbian lady boardwalk business owner has a sour taste in her mouth because her much older girlfriend is needlessly jealous of the quality time Lady is spending after work with the hunkiest straight guy business owner on the boardwalk?    Older Girlfriend was overheard scowling, “I don’t like you drinking and spending so much time with him…”  Hey Older Girlfriend – they’re just friends and you’re acting silly.  As the song goes, Straight Guy’s “milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.”  (09.17.09)     

WHICH of the twenty-eight participating homes will generously be featuring two fab vintage diamond rings for sale at the Saturday, Sept. 26, city-wide yard sale benefitting – in-part – the Rescue Ridge animal shelter?  Think Sixth Avenue…think initials K.K.  (09.17.09)       

WHICH day on Labor Day weekend did Bruce Springsteen go to the Stone Pony by himself to hang out for hours and listen to the Black Crows sing while drinking Yuengling beer served from the bartender, Mary Pat?  (09.10.09)  

WHICH popular Belmar restaurant – with a five-letter, one-word name – closed suddenly this summer because of a dramatic soap opera-type story, involving love, lust, betrayal, money and lies between the owner(s) and chef?  A similar story happened a few years ago at a restaurant in Asbury with the same chef (known by a four letter name).  The South American chef is now reportedly “involved” with a restaurant in Avon.  Some have hypothesized that the chef’s non-compete agreement with his Asbury ex has expired and he has his sights on a new restaurant of his own – no partners.  (09.10.09)  

WHICH scorned Deal resident paid about $2,000 for a banner plane to fly around Deal Casino and Long Branch beaches last weekend with a sign that read, “Habbib and Lily are big hujo (thieves) as per Chuck”?  Hysterical.  (09.10.09)  

WHICH Asbury Park resident (initials J.M.) had a break-up with his partner at Anderson Cooper’s Hamptons home at the end of August?  (09.10.09)  

WHICH northwest side resident (initials J.R.) and soon-to-be stalker of one of the guys who produced the internet sensation “Million Dollar Bill Asbury Park” video lovingly calls the shortest guy in the video his “pocket gay.”  See video below and TheBPlot’s exclusive interview with the hotties next week.  (09.10.09)   

WHO fell out of a hot tub last weekend while naked and smashed his head on the concrete walkway?  Jumping to his aid were a naked nurse – also hot tubbing – and a jealous boyfriend screaming that the nurse still has the hots for his man (bloody and still naked).  Train wreck of a scene.  (09.10.09)  

WHICH Wanamassa gay couple’s decade-long relationship was born from a rendez-vous in the 23rd Street New York Sports Club’s steamroom?  Sometimes they tell that story.  Sometimes they tell a more wholesome version.  (09.03.09)   

SPEAKING of that same New York Sport’s Club…which Asbury Park / New York City east-side resident broke his wrist (I’ll say sometime during the past twelve months) when he slipped leaving the steamroom, post sexual act – not, as he says, while working in the yard?  (09.03.09)  

WHICH buxom and wonderful Watermark bartender is related to the late Tex Logan – the gentleman and wanderer known as Big Edie’s “caretaker” at Grey Gardens?  She has fab stories to share for Grey Gardens fans.  (09.03.09)  

WHICH gracious and entertaining straight couple on Fifth Avenue were backstage with Gavin DeGraw last Saturday prior to his performance because their son and Gavin went to the same school in the Catskills?  (09.03.09)    

WHICH east-side condo-living late twentysomething hottie guy is currently having an affair with a New York political big-wig’s twentysomething, closeted son?  You wouldn’t recognize the politico’s son’s face, however his last name moves serious mountains.  (09.03.09)     

WHICH major playwright signed an agreement last week to develop a theatre production, tentatively titled “Little Edie and the Rutgers Boy” leveraging “Grey Gardens” historian and author Walter Newkirk’s book “memoraBEALEia: A Private Scrapbook About Edie Beale of Grey Gardens” and CD “Little Edie Live! A Visit to Grey Gardens” – 72 minutes from Walter’s interview with Little Edie as a Rutgers journalism student?  Little Edie called Walter “Rutgers Boy” in poems and letters throughout their decades-long friendship?  (09.03.09)  

WHICH business owner and member of a city committee insists on flogging his one-night stands?  (09.03.09)   

WHICH hot but bummed boardwalk business owner was recently promised a face-to-face with Gloria Gaynor by the Village People’s Felipe Rose, however the meeting never happened.  He’s waiting Felipe…(09.03.09)   

WHICH Madison Marquette lady who worked too closely with a VP – and did not show up for work for weeks, however got paid – is reportedly considering all her options against the company, including she says, a potential, possible sexual harassment suit?  From what I witnessed a few weeks ago (scroll below to 08.13.09) at Langosta Lounge she was a happy participant in the shenanigans.  (08.27.09)  

WHICH seriously huge celebrity chef (initials M.B.) was spotted yesterday touring the boardwalk for possibly, potentially, taking over a venue or creating his own in early 2010?  (08.27.09)   

WHICH previously renovating rubenesque east-side Asbury business lady was overheard crying that one of her great gay friends insisted (justifiably) that she sign a promissory note when he lent her $5,000 very recently?  Some want to know why she didn’t ask her mother…or did she and get shut down?  (08.27.09)  

WHICH local Village People member was surprised to learn yesterday I received his contract rider for the performances he leaves today for, in Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic.  The seven page rider details that he: requires a first-class window seat, prefers to fly in the morning from Newark, doesn’t like light beer, gets paid in cash one-hour prior to a performance and collects free t-shirts from performance venues.  He said he will be performing with Shakira during these shows and is working on a solo album in a studio in Jersey City.  (08.27.09)         

WHICH super-sweet, super-wholesome, successful and benevolent local female realtor’s husband was sooooo hitting on every lady at a fab east-side party last Friday night – even trying to wipe up drinks he spilled in other wives’ cleavage.  The wive’s gays came to the rescue.  Also, he said to me that “every gay guy is trying to convert him.”  Innocent party nonsense, however funny and worth sharing.  (08.27.09)    

WHICH recently broken-up Ocean Grove lesbian couple is fighting over who should pay for the boob job one of them got two years ago with the other’s credit card?  (08.27.09)  

WHICH straight actor playing the role of Ethan Girad in ReVision Theatre’s “Full Monty” is getting tons of buzz because all the women and gay men in the production have a secret crush on him…in addition to a many of the audience members?  (08.27.09)   

WHICH celeb fashionista was frustrated to learn he could not buy a Coke on the beach because Pepsi has the exclusive contract for the entire beachfront for years – from vending machines to restaurants?  (08.27.09)      

WHICH bar in town is sadly being called by some of its best gay customers “Asbury’s version of Headliner’s” referencing the Belmar hang-out that caters to the ultra-straight hoochie-girl type tacky clientele and the boys that like that.  “Hopefully we can reclaim it after the summer,” said a friend.  “How many times can you stand there while some drunk straight girl with her tits falling out, struggling to stand up in her plastic, lame or animal print heels, screams on the patio ‘where are all the straight single guys around here?’”  

WHERE is Robert Duran, formerly of the Tides Hotel, planning on moving once he returns from his sister’s home in upstate New York?  He is happy, relaxing and enjoying painting right now but tells me he has plans to return “soon” and has already scouted out a new place to live.  (08.20.09)  

lindsayWHICH talented art dealer and bi-city guy (NYC and AP) neglected to get the money shot yesterday for us while he was trapped in a fancy pants clothing store three feet from uber-train wreck Lindsay Lohan, sans Samantha Ronson?  Phoning me as he broke through the paparazzi swarming the entrance to the store, he reported she looked “horrible” with what looked like a “home bleach hair job that turned her hair white, almost, with split ends…totally raggy…a disaster.”  No doubt the super-skinny talent gone wrong will be back in a “30 day vacation” (as the publicists call it) before the end of the year.  (08.20.09)  

WHICH first-class guys, with the absolute best restaurant (fantastic food, service, drinks, atmosphere, creativity, freshness, value) in town for nine years - named after a film – are celebrating the twentieth anniversary of cooking their first meal at their first restaurant in Ocean Grove?  Despite the two purposefully not making a big deal out of their accomplishments – while other restaurateurs send me press releases weekly about nonsense, like how they figured out a new way to prepare a chicken breast – these trailblazing guys are worth celebrating and honoring.  Please visit and toast them.  (08.20.09)    JUSTIN WITH SINGER CIARA

WHICH huge-time modeling agency has been courting Justin M., part-time model and bartender at Paradise, after his recent shoot with Ciara [exclusive look, left] and upcoming hot campaign with Abercrombie & Fitch?  Underwear images of Justin published here earlier this month – scroll down.  (08.20.09)     

WHICH realtors are back to their old games telling clients a home is “under contract” when they don’t want to show the house because they don’t get along with the listing realtor, don’t like the commission split or want the buyer to purchase one of their own properties?  Another realtor suggested insisting on seeing any property, ”Just in case.”  (08.20.09)  

WHICH tall, slender Ocean Grove resident in the fashion industry and his friends were hanging out with The chrissie hyndePretenders’ Chrissie Hynde before and after her recent performance at the Stone Pony and were happy to report she was wonderful and welcoming.  Her wardrobe guy was even hitting on one of the men in our local’s entourage.  Chrissie commented that our city has a “beautiful beach” and was “very happy to be here.”  (08.20.09)  

SPEAKING of Chrissie, which connected friend clued us in to her backstage requests at the Stone Pony?  While it’s no secret the band is vegetarian, the rider included “totally vegetarian and organic food products with one vegan option per course…no fish, meat or chicken.”  Also requested “24 bottles of Corona, 24 bottles micro amber beer, USA-made organic wine (four bottles)…one bottle of Patron Tequila Gold” and a few things that I’ve never heard of “french toast crisp biscuits” and “vegan pate Tartex”.  (08.20.09)    

WHICH married, middle-aged, middle management Madison Marquette guy could not keep his paws off a pretty, young, seemingly willing, Madison Marquette female assistant last Thursday night from 10 pm until about 11 pm, while sitting at Langosta Lounge’s bar?  Another observer noted, “He has to be more discrete about his indiscretions.”  As a real estate guy, he should know he  can’t build castles in the sand…  (08.13.09)             

WHICH fancy pants resident – with the same initials as our city – said to his neighbor a few years ago, “I bet if my house caught fire you would toast marshmallows…you wouldn’t even call the fire department.”  Karma at work – the flamer’s house flamed up rercently (because he was using a heat gun to peel paint) and the first responder wasthat beautiful neighbor, garden hose in-hand while other neighbors rallied to assist and call the fire department.  The damage could have been faaaar worse.  How will Fancy Pants generously thank his neighbors for saving his home?  (08.13.09)   Judah_Gavra_Book304  

WHICH discrete local was watching ReVision Theatre’s rehearsals of “The Full Monty” and told me the show is a great, fun hit, with an amazing cast, including Judah Gavra [photo right], who plays the role of the stripper?  (08.13.09)   

WHICH grande lesbian from north Ocean Grove is supplementing her income as a part-time phone sex (aka “fantasy fulfillment”) operator, working from home, serving straight male clientele?  (08.13.09)   

WHICH east-side residing realtor – single, white, gay, male, fortysomething, handsome, demure – wears a wedding ring to prospect appointments and talks about his fictitious wife when he believes he will be meeting with a family that would embrace him more if they thought he was straight?  One straight couple, who he totally read wrong, were furious telling me he actually “lightly insinuated homophobic comments” during their meeting.  (08.13.09)  

Duchess of WindsorWHICH NYC resident and frequent Asbury Park visitor recently dined with Madonna, the director of “Truth or Dare” Alek Keshishian and others to talk about a subject in which our visitor is quite fluent – the Duchess of Windsor [photo left]?  Madonna is continuing to conduct research for a film on the royals where she would play the Duchess.  Trivia alert: In 1936, the Duchess was Time Magazine’s first “woman of the year.”  (08.13.09)   

WHO did “Grey Gardens’” Little Edie send the following remedy for an ear infection to, in a letter dated 8/29/01:  “So worried about you! I had what you have every fall in Long Island because of the ragweed pollen and my ear being stopped up like yours! Take orange juice and grapefruit juice and eat fruit- don’t take alcohol - it will make it worse!…I guess wring out a hot washcloth and put it on the ear and wear a wool scarf around your head and neck…Old-fashioned home remedies are best!”  More in “Letters of Little Edie Beale: Grey Gardens and Beyond” (Authorhouse, Fall 2009).  (08.13.09)  

WHICH character will a runner-up from Israeli “American Idol” play in ReVision Theatre’s “Full Monty”, [25]beginning August 12, in the Carousel Building?  Thrilling many a theatre buff, the hot, hot, hottie will be in the buff a ton – waaaay more than the film or Broadway production.  Bravo ReVision!  (08.06.09)  

WHICH local twentysomething gay longtime bartender is in line for the “Deli Award” this summer, because of all his tramping around?  More meat has passed through him than the Carnegie Deli.  (08.06.09)    

WHICH straight twentysomething area resident and employee used “Derrick Vineyard” as his gay porn pseudonym while performing in films, photos and live shows as a Falcon Studios exclusive in San Diego from 2004 to 2006 (approximately)?  Today, the unmistakably tattooed and uber talented…errr endowed, sweet, entrepreneurial hottie has bid farewell to his film career.  Hey, he wasn’t selling kidneys.  (08.06.09)  

WHICH Long Branch police officer may need a lesson in 60’s granola music stars?  After performing at the Blue Claws game on Friday evening Bob Dylan – looking grungy, staying at Ocean Place – was walking around the resort’s grounds, enjoying the post-thunderstorm air, until a police officer believing he spotted a “suspicious character” and loitering vagrant, approached the 68 year-old, ID’ing and questioning him for 10 minutes.  Bob was a total great sport as irritating as that must have been.  (08.06.09)  

WHICH Asbury Park restaurant and caterer, most famous for lunch, buys thesoooo delicious and famous fried chicken it serves from Kennedy’s Fried Chicken on Main Street?  (08.06.09)  

WHICH young new female singing sensation did brown hair, blue eyed, mega-hot, very straight (seriously) Justin M. – Paradise bartender and part-time, big-time model [26]– just do a photo shoot with in New York?  (08.06.09)    

WHICH thirtysomething, sexy, life-long area resident – who works for a business in Pier Village – told me that uber-rat Solomon Dweck’s wife shamelessly came to his business, after his 2006 indictment with a check for $100,000 drawn from the Bank of Tokyo-Mitsubishi, to pay for goods and services rendered.  What the hell is that all about and where is the FBI on that money?  (07.30.09)   

IS there anything else that made Madison Marquette dramatically bar Jason Hennings, founder of Diablo Royal – the ultra-popular West Village Mexican saloon [27]- from opening a version in the former O’Toole’s space in the Grande Arcade?  Jason was also unceremoniously fired last Tuesday from managing the Beach Bar for ‘violating the rules of his lease’ after employees were complaining and revenue numbers were sinking.   Calls to Madison Marquette and Jason Hennings were unreturned as of presstime.  (07.30.09)     

WHICH Philadelphia resident and frequent fancy visitor to Asbury Park spotted Reese Witherspoon (with her two children) and Jake Gyllenhaal[right] waiting for a table at Philly restaurant Sabrina Sunday morning for brunch?  “Reese and Jake plus two” succeeded so well in being incognito they waited for a table with the bourgeoisies.  “Reese was teeny, like really tiny and Jake was slim and lean and hot,” said my source.  Reese is in Philadelphia filming the romantic comedy “How Do You Know” with Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson and Jack Nicholson until October. (07.30.09)  

ROAD TRIP WRAP UP – 14 items for you to “say who” this week…  

AT which Beach Bar bar were “Queer Eye’s” Carson Cressley and James Dale (Boy Scouts of America v. James Dale, 2000) chatting and seemingly solving all the world’s problems, during SandBlast?  (07.23.09)  

WHICH multiple NAMMY Award winner, who has helped raise millions for Native American charities, gives out swag– including his solo CD – to his one-nighters?  (07.23.09)  

WHICH style girl – who’s been used more than water – was a total buzz kill to effusive fans who begged for photos, being cold, distant and acting irritated according to many?  (07.23.09)  

WHICH fortysomething local creative type, who I have written about previously here, skipped Friday’s Kick-Off Party for his own party that he advertised on Craig’s List Friday afternoon?  The listing, sent to me Sunday by a reader began: “F*** MY 29YO BOIS A** NOW! HOTEL TAG TEAM!! OPEN HOUSE! – 29 (HOTEL ON RT#35 – NEPTUNE/ASBURK PARK)…”  It’s got to be like throwing hot dogs through the Lincoln Tunnel.  (07.23.09)  

WHICH west side couple who could not make it to Road Trip this year, proved once again that they are more than pretty faces by taking the estimated amount of money they would have spent on liquor, etc. during the weekend and donated it to the Monmouth County SPCA?  (07.23.09)  

WHICH Road Trip 8 star’s rider was ultra-low maintenance compared to talent from previous years, simply asking for Diet Dr. Pepper, Dasani water and a few other simple items?  (07.23.09)  

WHICH business owner – whose head is pretty much good for a hat rack and one other thing (oh, I kid…seriously) – in town was rumored to have loitered a bit too long in the model / go-go dancer’s dressing room at the Kick-Off Party, pleasing some and just annoying others?  (07.23.09)  

WHICH east side local was Carson Cressley playfully grabbing a video camera from, near the stage, during Amanda Lepore’s “smashup” performance?  (07.23.09)  

WHICH fab boardwalk bar – that always welcomes everyone – was designated as the “It” spot for many all weekend, including the married-and-bisexual set?  Bi- or closeted guys ooogled the boys and more, free of concern for having their cover blown if they accidentally bumped in to someone they knew.  (07.23.09)  

SPEAKING of closeted guys, which local one should get ready for a “come out…come out…I can’t live like this anymore” discussion soon, after his totally out boyfriend was bummed-out being a “party of one” during the Kick-Off Party because his hot, clandestine man was hiding from the rainbow flags back at his local apartment.  (07.23.09)  

WHICH normally staid Asbury Park resident showed a different side of himself – rightfully so – to the 42Below bartenders when he heard his guests and friends continually complaining about the ridiculously weak drinks?  “Next year they should just get a cranberry juice sponsor cause that’s all I tasted, drink after drink,” he said, standing under a 20 foot tall inflatable 42Below bottle.  (07.23.09)    

WHAT item (not reported anywhere…yet) – beyond pot – was found in the car of the freaking idiot who hit one of Asbury Park’s finest Sunday, putting the officer in the hospital under sedation for days with multiple broken bones, when Idiot was leaving the City while allegedly driving drunk and more?  (07.23.09)  

WHICH Asbury local, when asked what he and his partner would be doing for the rest of the day, replied very loudly so everyone seated within 20 feet of him at the beach heard, “I am going to go home, have a drink, take a shower, do some blow, have another drink, then head out…”  (07.23.09)  

WHICH recently single guy slid right back into the scene last weekend by drunk-n-texting friends – new and old – with invitations for late night romps on the down-low?  (07.23.09)  

MORE TO “SAY” BELOW…  

HAVE A TIP THAT CAN BE VERIFIED? EMAIL: Richard@TheBPlot.com[29].    

WHICH restaurant is grossing potential customers out by using the cube on which the go-go boys dance late night as a resting place for extra silverware, napkins, condiments and more during the day?  “We all know what goes on, on that box and a napkin covering the top of the box doesnt (sic) cut it,” said the email signed “Skeeved”.  Skeeved attached this photo…  (07.16.09) Paradise  

WHICH married Ocean Township husband was ridiculously chatting up a hostess at Stella Marina last weekend, attempting to get her phone number in his Blackberry for “help with babysitting?”    

WHICH business – with an absentee owner – that serves liquor, has been caught for the second time double charging drunken customers?  As Road Trip is upon us, beware, the scheme is as follows:  1. Customer hands bartender credit card at the beginning of the night.  2. Customer imbibes all night.  3. Customer pays cash at end of night to close out large tab.  4. Customer receives credit card statement weeks later with a charge for same amount he paid for in cash.  5. Customer barely remembers paying cash.  6. Credit card company reviews receipt’s signature and also notes the charge was all gratuity and rejects payment.  This is probably the first time the owner is hearing about this.  (07.16.09)      

IN a sign this recession thing has just gone too damn far for some, which area resident has been forced, I hear, to cancel his post-SandBlast “everything in excess” party due to lack of funds?  Stop the insanity.  (07.16.09)  

WHICH downtown store gives you more than you bargained for in the stock room?  The “active” Craig’s List ad, sent to me on July 6 (posted on the site at 8.16 am) by a reader who exchanged photos with the Cookman Avenue proprietor, begins verbatim (with naughty words edited), “Backroom NSA BJ’s - 42.  I’m slim, toned (28″ waist, 130lbs) expert c**ksucker seeking c**ks to s*ck in a store backroom…”  There’s also a photo.  What a way to kill time in between sales.  (07.09.09)  

WHICH city center fancy-pants residential building was recently evacuated for the extermination of bedbugs?  This, in addition to the Cookman Avenue building I told you about a few weeks ago whose tenants were asked to leave for six hours – with their pets – while the  property was exterminated.  An update:  the Cookman Avenue tenants are now fit to be tied with the property manager because he promised to clean all tenant’s clothes and ruined “at least half” of everyone’s high-end wardrobes by washing everything in ultra-hot water.  After promising to compensate the tenants, the management backed out at the last minute.  (07.09.09)  

WHICH boardwalk business did not learn from another boardwalk business’ earlier mistake by charging locals a cover this Fourth of July weekend because a mediocre band was performing as background noise?  I can’t count how many emails I received from irate residents.  One read, in part,  ”(The business) is good enough on its own. Its (sic) trying to be too many things and milking me for $10 extra sucks when I came to spend excessive amounts of money on beer.”  (07.09.09)  

WHICH business owner I feature frequently (and glowingly, deservedly so) is using a two-word phrase I coined in an article about the business everywhere – newsletters, special discounts, marketing collateral, press releases, website – even in Business Owner’s voicemail greeting, yet can’t even take a moment and say “thanks” let alone actually give me credit for the quote or return a call unless Business Owner wants something.  Seriously, so over it…and duly noted.  (07.02.09)  

WHICH forty-something, attractive gay male says he is dating way more now thanks to his revised personal marketing strategy – calling himself a “DILF” in his ManHunt and Match.com profiles, despite not being a dad.  “It sums me up a lot better in my description and it’s a hot word right now.  I’ve been sexing more twenty-somethings recently than I have in a long time,” he said with a huge, glowing smile.  (07.02.09)  

WHICH Asbury Park long-term couple – with a “stepping out” agreement – had an awkward moment at Mattison Park the other night when they bumped into each other with their respective “dates”?  (07.02.09)  

WHICH local house was sold when the realtor negotiated the deal loaded, with a vacationing couple on the dance floor of Paradise?  The couple had been in the house for a party, loved it and the realtor took it from there with Rhianna pulsing in the background.  (07.02.09)  

WHICH local Asbury Park music-types (there were 10) was Bon Jovi hanging with last Friday night, from 9 pm to 11 pm in the Paramount Theatre and the north side of Convention Hall?  Virtually unnoticed and wearing his “uniform” of jeans and t-shirt there was buzz of him possibly performing at the Mary’s Place benefit at the theatre or the Stone Pony.  My always lovingly-bitchy eagle-eyed sources commented that “when he took off his baseball hat it was surprising how quickly he is loosing his famous mane.”  (06.25.09)  

WHICH fancy Asbury Park condo’s rear entrance and first-floor foyer flood big time every time it rains (and you know we have had, like 21 days of rain this month) because the new pavers lining the building’s private garden were graded improperly – towards the property not towards the street?  Neighbors tell me that every time it rains they hear the “Wet-Dry vacuum running at full speed for hours” cleaning up the wet mess.  I smell a huge association fee assessment raining down on the owners.  (06.25.09)  

WHICH fancy city property recently evacuated its tenants, floor by floor, to exterminate the bed bug infestation paralyzing the property?  (06.18.09)  

WHICH rocker’s wife has her own personal tour rider (separate from her husband’s ultra-simple one) packed with interesting tidbits such as “From one half-hour prior to stage call through load, this room is for the sole use of (You Say Who) and should be suitably decorated, have a private restroom and shower and should be properly heated or air conditioned.”  That’s all pretty standard stuff, however the rider goes on to detail what must be contained in the room, including: two large floor plants, two large table plants, skim and soy milk, Evian in glass bottles ONLY – at room temperature, linen tablecloths and napkins, martini olives, and “four current magazines, Vogue, Cosmo, People and Elle.”  (06.18.09)  

WHICH in-the-news big time rocker was spotted recently in the periodicals section of Borders Eatontown purchasing guitar and news magazines and the ultra fancy-pants monthly, the “duPont Registry Buyer’s Guide of Fine Automobiles” and “duPont Registry Buyer’s Guide of Fine Homes”? The flootie-tootie publications are touted as the “world’s premier luxury marketplace” (kind of like the “Homes & Estates” giveaway magazine found at the exit door of supermarkets and car washes, except for the ka-jillionaire set) – with page after page of lush photos of items for sale, on heavy, glossy stock. It’s the ultimate in real estate and rare automobiles available for the uppity set. Rocker purchased more than $700 in magazines and DVDs – including, yes, “My Best Friend’s Wedding”. Could either his graphite Range Rover, Mustang convertible circa 1965 or white convertible Bentley with navy soft-top be history? (06.11.09)  

WHICH Pride weekend event – which reeked of Designer Imposters perfume – first ran out of beer, then ran out of vodka, then almost had a riot as audience members and performers began to sober up learning bartenders were “running to the store” to purchase alcohol to satiate the masses? (06.11.09)  

WHICH very social, beefy and visible Asbury Park nightlife lover – recognizable more by face than his name – spent the Memorial Weekend 2008 BBQ circuit awaiting his upcoming prison sentence for pleading guilty to “attempted sexual assault of a minor” during “Dateline NBC’s” “To Catch a Predator: New Jersey” taping July, 2007 in Mantaloking. (Due to details I can’t get a clear answer about, he did not appear on either of the two two-hour broadcasts.) The recently released perv…I mean perp, was spotted this Memorial Weekend mellowing out at the Paradise Pool bar and other spots hanging with friends and others he had not seen in almost a year and avoiding talking about where he’s “been hiding all this time” to those not in the know. (06.04.09)  

WHICH wholesome “Best a Man Can Get” mega blue-chip corporation’s accidentally hysterical and seasonally appropriate “Groin Grooming” how-to cartoon video is getting the adults-only, soft-core, uber-gay-boy blog BeachcruiserBlackbook.com[30] web hits from around the world? The site is one of a few where the video, with lines like “Trimming the bush makes the tree look taller” and “When there is no underbrush the tree looks taller” can still be viewed right now. Upon further consideration, mega-corporation pulled the video a few days after releasing it. It’s sure to make you smile – especially if you are an anti-shaving Asbury Park “Bear”. (06.04.09)  

WHICH Asbury Park / New York City resident thought he scored big time when he was hit on by a fancy big-time celebrity at a Chelsea bar recently?  As they taxied it to fancy celeb’s love den our Asbury friend was so hot and excited at the thought of being in the glitzy condo – it’s been featured in New York Magazine – and taking a roll with a huge bold-faced name.  The surprise came when the celeb took our Asbury friend to his building’s basement storage unit – furnished comfortably for strange love – not his condo, to tap it.  (05.28.09)   

IN a behind-the-scenes reorganization of the best weekend of the year here, which New York City-based event producer, with a home in Asbury Park, just purchased the exclusive rights to produce Road Trip 8’s Kick-Off Party and name SandBlast an “officially sanctioned” Road Trip event?  The Asbury Park Marketing Fund, which in years past coordinated the weekend, under strong new leadership, sold the licensing for a guaranteed and significant fee.  The producer’s company is now incentivized to create an over the top, profitable event.  It’s a new win-win:  APMF outsourced what is not its core expertise to someone who can make an event out of eating breakfast at Frank’s and the production company gets to grow an already established fab event in town.  I hear the theme of the Kick-Off Party is honoring the anniversary of the beaching of the S.S. Morro Castle and the fireworks will be spectacular.  RoadTripAsbury.com and AsburyParkEvents.com are continually updating events.  (05.28.09)  

KICKING off So Major Summer 2009: which watering hole is celebrating its first holiday weekend so popular its fans recently crowned it with a loving new moniker…“Wet Spot”? I.e.: “Forget Para-dismal’s pool bar, let’s haul ass to Wet Spot’s patio bar and eyeball the hot tourists.” 05.21.09  

WHICH northwest Asbury Park homeowner was overheard last Saturday during the TriCity Arts Tour bragging that he has been connecting his watering hose to his weekend-only neighbor’s faucet to maintain his lawn and fill his spa – among other property maintenance activities? Umm, newsflash, besides being beyond ridiculous, it’s stealing. 05.21.09  

WHO needs to stop “drunk-n-sexting”? After a night out, this thirtysomething west-side resident has been known to distribute ultra-close-up photos – mostly of his most masculine of areas, sometimes with his partner of the moment – via his Blackberry, to friends, ex-lovers and semi-strangers. The recipients I spoke with think he is funny and silly, but some of their significant others are getting irritated. (05.14.09)  

WHICH 1980’s top film star has been spending time around town and enjoying all that is Asbury Park – including shopping at Bodega Shoppe and Brielle Cyclery, drinking at Watermark and eating at the Harrison – on the down-low? The recently “out,” single lesbian currently lives in a beautiful, early 1900’s home in Collingswood, NJ, that she is painstakingly renovating and looking for a sexy, low-key lady to share it with. She would love to live in Asbury Park but wants more property and privacy for her home. (05.14.09)  

WHICH of Asbury Park’s married, straight male, east side residents beat out four other men of the same persuasion to be named the unofficial hottest DILF (Dad I Like to F***) at a recent, martini-fueled birthday gathering attended exclusively by many of his gay boy and girl fans of all ages? “It’s a compliment to him and his wife,” said one of the party’s attendees. (05.07.09)  

WHICH new-ish north side Ocean Grove resident should wonder why her two dogs don’t bark outside – or stay outside – for that matter, despite the newly installed doggie door? Her neighbors, fed up with incessant barking, pooled their funds to buy a Bark Smart Deluxe. The $60 gadget’s website details its “an outdoor mounted device using ultrasonic tones triggered by dogs barking that corrects him instantly and consistently. It will even work on your neighbor’s annoying dog up to 50 feet away!” (05.07.09)  

WHICH super-lovely, first-class lady couple in town deserves cheers, congrats and hugs? The two got married last weekend, on the down-low, in Provincetown, with about 15 close friends (most from out of area) in attendance. I hear everything was perfect – the ceremony, the weather, the brides. Best wishes to them both. (04.29.09)  

WHICH builder packed up and hauled ass out of town without a peep from politicians or any of the news orgs – leaving Asbury Park holding a bag of hot s**t for another summer? Last month, the developer removed the trailer and other accoutrements (beyond what was removed months ago) from the property and stopped pumping flood water from the site. “(The builder) has no intention of doing anything there any time soon,” said my source. “Stagnant water will begin to damage the concrete shortly. They are pretty much saying they don’t care what happens there anymore.” We should be outraged, asking questions and demanding answers. (04.29.09)  

WHICH restaurant owner insists hosts put on an Oscar worthy performance – flipping pages, hemming and hawing – when customers phone for reservations? Reservationists have strict instructions to make every effort to imply the restaurant is overbooked. Thing is, when the customers arrive and see the place with an excessive number of tables empty, they get a bad taste in their mouth before eating the fantastic food. “This is not the Waverly Inn or New York,” one customer said. (04.22.09)  

WHICH fortysomething, Mr. Fabulous, successful, creative-type is diversifying his employment activities – more for fun than financial – by acting as a $200 per hour turbo-bottom S&M rent-boy, for at least the past six months, on Craig’s List based in Long Branch and NYC? The four photos he sent my tipster / his prospect reveal everything…and too much more. (04.22.09)  

WHICH Asbury Park renter sold the oven, fridge and dishwasher from the apartment she was renting to pay for the security deposit in her new apartment? Her former landlord is just so happy to have her out, he doesn’t care about the expense of replacing the appliances. (04.16.09)  

WHICH couple has earned the nickname “Bait and Tackle” because of the strategic fishing expedition they go on to find new friends to play with? The better looking, younger of the two (Bait) breaks the ice with the unsuspecting hottie prey at Paradise. The other gentleman (Tackle) reels ‘em in and shares in the rewards. (04.16.09)  

WHICH married, in-town realtor needs to be more careful who she talks to and what she talks about? In regards to homes for sale that need a little TLC, she has been known to say to colleagues she thinks are straight “this house just needs to be ‘faggotized’…you know how good they are at that kind of thing.” Thing is, the colleagues are so not straight and definitely offended at her vernacular. Oops. (04.09.09)  

WHICH long-term couple’s time is ticking towards a break up? Mr. Social #1 loves to entertain – harmless after-Paradise parties being his favorite. Mr. Social #2 is threatening to walk, after one of his favorite and pricey desk clocks “walked out” with a guest after a recent event for 10 friends turned into an extravaganza for 20+ strangers. (04.09.09)  

WHOSE popularity is rising – and his calendar is already booked solid – because word is spreading about the new spring crop of wacky weed growing in his basement? (04.02.09)  

WHICH event space – which the owner insists on referring to as “sexy” constantly – is enraging local non-profits by sticking them with huge bills at the end of what are supposed to be community-building events scheduled during times when the space is usually empty? The $800 bill one non-profit was handed recently ate up most of the funds raised from the event. (04.02.09)  

WHICH bakery isn’t being especially truthful with its customers by implying that it makes every last delicious calorie-packed item from scratch? In reality, neighboring businesses report weekly bulk deliveries of all sorts of pre-made mixes and doughs. (03.25.09)  

WHICH area couple can’t wait for the beach weather more than anyone? They are over-anxious to debut their recent his and his Liposuction and Blepharoplasty surgeries. Some have said they look “news anchor alert” and that’s not a good thing. (03.25.09)  

WHICH Asbury Park artistic-type thought he left his past along with his youthful regrets on Fire Island more than a decade ago? To his surprise, a former long-lost summer housemate has just moved into town and is regaling new friends with stories of Mr. Artistic’s wild previous life. One popular story involves his most (in)famous “Pines” moment, his costume and how he won his title. (03.19.09)  

IN a case of money does not buy taste, which rocker’s wife was recently spotted fawning over silly, gaudy, trinkets at Red Bank’s Restoration Hardware? I heard that ‘She kept yelling across the store to her girlfriend about how cute the tacky merchandise was’ and was begging any salesperson she could corner to check for more overpriced trinkets in their stockroom. The Rocker quietly and discretely stood in a corner whispering on his cell phone, fiddling with some of the retro toys in a half-price bin and graciously saying ‘hi’ to anyone who recognized him. (03.19.09)  

WHICH feuding neighbors deserve a spot on the next Jerry Springer Show for what – across the board – everyone believes to be nonsense? Their north-east area homes have been a battleground for years – bothering the police, bothering the other neighbors, bothering the hookers that used to loiter in the area. Neighbor One has just found a lawyer with too much time on his hands to file suit against Neighbor Two, which is sure to take the passion to a new level this summer. Where is Judge Judy when you need her? (03.11.09)  

WHICH sexy lady forgot her toolbox of most intimate of toys at a hotel in Philadelphia recently? She got her relaxing weekend getaway and let her toys get away from her. She called the Loews Hotel and requested they search for the box, however not open it. They opened it and she got it back but she wont be back at that hotel anytime soon. (03.11.09)  

WHICH Asbury Park grand home’s renovation is being partially funded by serving as the set for online, straight amateur porn productions? Thanks to the depression, the homeowners are taking drastic measures to ensure the top-tier construction project is completed on time and budget. (3.04.09)  

WHICH flooring company owner should know his ever-so-butch-I-am-living-with-a-girl site manager is not ‘out of area’ when he does not answer his cell? A large part of the time, he is ‘laying planks’ with one of their super-gay male customers. (3.04.09)  

WHICH area radio DJ has been sending out demo tapes to bigger markets faster than the Octo-Mom looking for a reality show? Good news for our DJ friend is she will be moving to bigger times in Philly, where she will actually ‘be in the room with the stars’ when she fawns over them rather than interviewing them via phone. Her bosses are going to flip. (3.04.09)

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