The Art of Misery

Updated 2 months, 2 weeks ago

The seasons are more apparent this time of year than at any other, mostly because the reminders are so overwhelming. Spring in Virginia must be wrestled from winter in a long struggle of give and take, then eases into summer like the embrace of two old friends. In either case, it’s difficult to know where one ends and the other begins.

But not so with the turning of summer to fall. There is a clear line between those two, a boundary of Stop and Go marked by stars so close the shine kisses ...

your face and leaves so colorful they should come in boxes marked “Crayola.” Autumn stands alone. It neither lurks nor knocks, it bursts forth and announces its presence. “Here I am,” it says. “Time for something different.”

Though I’m always reluctant to let go of summer, the wiser part of me knows I must. That even perennial green and sun would in time become uncomfortable and drab. It’s a seldom-mentioned fact that we all need reminding of from time to time—there is such a thing as being cursed with too much good. That, I think, is why God made the seasons. To teach us that whatever we have in this world can be lost and then found right back if we just keep moving forward.

That sort of thinking about the world outside my window has come in handy with the world inside myself.

For the last seventeen years my life has been marred by short periods of mottled serenity followed by long periods of outright despair. Depression is like that, I think. It forces you to view happiness as an illusion rather than a possibility. It makes you fearful of reaching out to grab hold of joy for fear it will turn to vapor and seep through your fingers.

Those inner winters were borne by me alone. My depression was a weight hung from my soul and forced me to look down in shame rather than up in petition. Christians weren’t supposed to be sad. Their hearts were supposed to be filled with the light of God, not the darkness of living.

I’m sure a lot of people think the same—that a life with God should be that perennial green and sun. Which is why so many of us walk through our winters naked and cold trying to convince ourselves that the season hasn’t changed. That the breeze is still warm.

I think the biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we should always smile.

I will not worship a God who demands I shy away from half of living simply because it’s difficult. I would rather Him offer to walk with me through it. The world will wear on all of us from time to time. There is no avoiding it. That’s why I cast a wary eye upon any religion that says such things can be avoided. They can’t.

They can’t because there is a reason for our pain. Because it is an inevitable consequence of loving God that we feel. Because there is a beauty in our tears and a grace in our sadness.

The point isn’t to figure out a way to avoid our seasons, then. It’s to figure out a way to embrace them. To endure and continue. Because we must know sadness if we are to know joy, we must be lost in doubt in order to find faith, and it is only in our misery that true hope can be born.

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Peter Stone 2 months, 3 weeks ago on Wordpress

Hey Billy, you are right, those difficult times cannot be avoiding – the Bible is very clear that our faith is developed by suffering. People focus on Jesus calming the raging storm, but forget that He deliberately lead the disciples into the storm in the first place. And yes, He was there with them, ‘walking’ with them through it.

Great post, as always.

Bonnie | FaithBarista 2 months, 4 weeks ago on Wordpress

“Because we must know sadness if we are to know joy, we must be lost in doubt in order to find faith.”

This quote rocks given the context of the entire post.

Billy, this is so excellent – it’s the Coffey’s slice of the true Gospel. What comforting words with the realities of faith.

A fellow traveler through the summer and winter seasons… ... See all content Hide content

Missy 2 months, 4 weeks ago on Wordpress

Oh Billy, you have such an awesome gift of writing about the things that no one else will or they just do not know how.

I have struggled with depression my entire life, before I even knew what it was that I was struggling with. I recently ran out of my medication and due to circumstances, I have not been able to get to the doctor to have it filled. My days have been a struggle lately. I have ... See all content Hide content

Lanette 2 months, 4 weeks ago on Wordpress

“I will not worship a God who demands I shy away from half of living simply because it’s difficult. I would rather Him offer to walk with me through it. The world will wear on all of us from time to time. There is no avoiding it. That’s why I cast a wary eye upon any religion that says such things can be avoided. They can’t.”

Spoke volumes to me today, thank you. You have an amazing ... See all content Hide content

Heather of the EO 3 months ago on Wordpress

“Depression is like that, I think. It forces you to view happiness as an illusion rather than a possibility. It makes you fearful of reaching out to grab hold of joy for fear it will turn to vapor and seep through your fingers.”

That’s the point at which I started crying. Cause I just really get it.

Just today I was in a Bible Study (on Esther by Beth Moore) and ... See all content Hide content

Jamey 3 months ago on Wordpress

Very thought provoking.

Katdish 3 months ago on Wordpress

You are so incredibly gifted. Your humility prevents you truly seeing just how good you really are. But I’m still going to tell you that.

Keystone 3 months ago on Wordpress

I just finished closing the window on Word-A-Day, which ends with Thought For The Day.

When I read today’s “thought”, it startled me with the clarity of its depth.

Then I came here,……… and read a similar lament of truth.

A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:

Don’t surrender your loneliness / So quickly. / Let it cut more deeply. / Let it ... See all content Hide content

Rebecca 3 months ago on Wordpress

This is a beautiful way to look at an ugly time in anyone’s life. Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Billy.

Pam at beyondjustmom 3 months ago on Wordpress

There are so many of us who share your struggle, and it’s such a blessing to open your heart and let it be known. I absolutely believe sharing our vulnerability brings more hope and comfort than pretending everything is perfect. I too believe in a God who walks with us through the seasons, not around them.

Thank you.

Corinne 3 months ago on Wordpress

This is so true, your honesty is profound. I love your take on things.

Warren Baldwin 3 months ago on Wordpress

I think God does suffer through the tough periods with us, that’s why I’m still in this. Good post, Billy. Good blend of theology, philosophy, and real life.

cindy 3 months ago on Wordpress

Nice… Truly… You are a MUST READ when I do my ’rounds’. always. You bring to life the intangible. To have watched you grow from my first stumble onto your blog… um… a long time ago… to your site now is just a great thing to see. Thank you for always delivering!!

Angela 3 months ago on Wordpress

Walking through dark valleys has made the words “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief” so much more precious to me. We have a Lord who knows and understands those seasons of heavy sadness because He has walked through them too.

I loved what you said, “there is a beauty in our tears and a grace in our sadness.” So true.

A Simple Country Girl 3 months ago on Wordpress

A way to figure out how to embrace them… very powerful and very true.

Wendy 3 months ago on Wordpress

I’ve noticed that at some of the worst times is when I feel His arms around me the most.

Caroline 3 months ago on Wordpress

Billy, thank you for sharing so deeply about this. This ministered to me very deeply as I have been going through “the long period of despair”. It is always good to know there is a reason for the pain. I like the way you say “Because there is beauty in our tears and a grace in our sadness.”

billycoffey 3 months ago on Twitter

Why not always smiling can be a good thing: The Art of Misery ~ http://bit.ly/1kOnq9

Glynn 3 months ago on Wordpress

Depression is something I’ve struggled with throughout most of my life. Took a while to get that figured out. Took longer to learn how to recognize the signs it was coming, and I’m still not great at doing that. For me, it seems to come in cycles, roughly about every seven years or so. And when it comes, it does feel like a dark night of the soul.

Thanks for sharing this, Billy . ... See all content Hide content

jasonS 3 months ago on Wordpress

Very true, Billy. You can’t escape the challenges and we shouldn’t want to because of all they produce and how much we learn about God in the process…

christy rose 3 months ago on Wordpress

Very interesting post Billy!

“The point isn’t to figure out a way to avoid our seasons, then. It’s to figure out a way to embrace them.” This is most definitely a better way to live our life. I think many times what causes depression is rebelling against the season that is put before us and wondering why we can’t go back to a latter season or spring forward quicker to a season ... See all content Hide content

Aubrey Mace 3 months ago on Wordpress

I think it’s easy for us to slide into the mindset that we’re entitled to the perennial green and sun. Without those periods of bleakness and cold, we could never fully appreciate the warmth and light.

Thank you for your very eloquent musings on depression and misery. The way you tied them in with the changing seasons was timeless.

Barbara Frazier 3 months ago on Wordpress

Billy, beautiful message – very profound! Reminds me of the song that says “the God on the mountain is still God in the valley”. And, I love the picture. You look like a man going places and I really believe you are! Your family is sooooo proud!

rachellegardner 3 months ago on Twitter

"I think the biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we should always smile." From @BillyCoffey: http://bit.ly/TwquF

LOREN 3 months ago on Wordpress

Billly,

This post is like a blanket that wraps around you as you go through that season and whispers….It will be ok….continue on….but then again that is the Holy Spirit who is speaking in and through you.

Thankyou Billy for sharing and relaying so eloquently

Bless you

Helen 3 months ago on Wordpress

Excellent post. I agree that without the sadness, we wouldn’t recognize happiness…

Ryan Tate 3 months ago on Wordpress

Billy, this is straight out of Habakkuk, which has been my favorite book of the Bible over the past 6 months. This was the guy crying out to God for justice to be done…crying out to God to come and save him…crying out to God to change things because the world was burning to the ground around him. There was violence, injustice, depression, and death. Habakkuk is only three chapters long ... See all content Hide content

Doallas 3 months ago on Twitter

@billycoffey writes a new post about the art of misery. http://bit.ly/TwquF

T. Anne 3 months ago on Wordpress

Sometimes I think I just need that reasurance that indeed joy comes in the morning. Sometimes, tragically it feels like such a long night. *sigh* love your post.

Annie K 3 months ago on Wordpress

Very well spoken Billy. I’m sure the snow yesterday had a little something to do with my lack of smiling…

Sarah Salter 3 months ago on Wordpress

You know that I know what depression and misery are like. And it seems that the more I open up about my depression, the more I find that lots of people are struggling with the same depression that I have been. Thank God that we are finally finding a way to dialogue about this thing that so many of us have been afraid to talk about for so long! And thank you for being part of that dialogue. You have ... See all content Hide content

Sherri 3 months ago on Wordpress

I could not agree more.

I’m living it. Sometimes there is no choice but to embrace the season.

Beth 3 months ago on Wordpress

Well said Billy. You made me think of Romans 5:3-5 that states, “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.

God never said we would always be on the mountain ... See all content Hide content

Bridget 3 months ago on Wordpress

“Because we must know sadness if we are to know joy, we must be lost in doubt in order to find faith, and it is only in our misery that true hope can be born.”

Beautifully spoken, Billy.

I definitely needed to read this tonight… thank you!

Lorianne 3 months ago on Wordpress

Those inner winters are borne by me alone. Only if you choose. The atonement swallows up everything and Christ shoulders most of the burdens. We are only allotted what we can handle. I love how you can turn everything into a teaching moment. You have the true gift of parables. May we be lent the wisdom to decipher them to our greatest ability and use them as God wills in our own lives.

billycoffey 3 months ago on Twitter

New post! The art of misery ~ http://bit.ly/TwquF

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